Thursday, November 24, 2005

Al Gore: Exercise


I love exercise. You can exercise almost anywhere and any time -- while being driven to the gym, at your desk or watching CurrentTV. Best of all, I like to exercise my pelvic muscles. Just pull in (like you're trying to stop peeing because someone entered the bathroom and you don't want them to know you're in the stall). I hold my squeezes for 10 seconds, then rest for 10 seconds. Weak pelvic muscles often lead to urine leakage so Tipper and I like to exercise before our drinking blackouts (we call it -- Time Traveling to the Future).

I keep a Daily Pelvic Muscle Exercise Log conveniently alongside my Daily Affirmations, which help me control the anger. I used to stuff my anger and my face, and that's why I weigh three hundred pounds. But now I'm on the road to recovery, with the love of my family. I learned what love is from my parents. You find that one special person who was placed on this planet just for you, and then you put them through forty years of living hell.

Daily Pelvic Muscle Exercise Log
    Athlete:    Al   . I exercised my pelvic muscles ______ times daily. I spent _____ minutes exercising. At each exercise session, I contracted my pelvic muscles _____ times. Afterwards I had _____ beers and passed out for _____ hours.

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