Sunday, November 20, 2005

Al Gore: Youthenizer

In the last year I've put on 20 pounds and my hair has become more gray. To be perfectly frank I used to wear a male girdle and dye my hair. I used to, until my good friend Susan Sarandon said that girdles interfere with proper bowl movement and that hair dye leaks aluminum, oxidants, and radon into the scalp and brain. These days I don't have to look as dapper as I did in politics, let's be frank. Running CurrentTV out of San Francisco means that I only have to impress 20ish hippy chicks, which is a given for me. Still, a vain part of my thetan does not want to appear old when I'm on TV.

It is with this in mind that I've got those CurrentTV geeks hard at work, building me a YouthenizerTM ALGORELABS studio, which will shoot me against a blue screen. The result will be video output that 1) automatically narrows my girth verses my height, 2) adjusts the contrast and brightness to remove my gray and give me a tan, and finally 3) puts me behind an inserted digital background that supports the main message I want to present (e.g. "AL Gore = Al Good"). I'm thinking about building one of these Youthenizers to shoot people in LA, NY, and DC. I could make a killing, by renting them out.

Fire up my back shaver Tipper, I'm gonna be famous again!


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