Susan Sarandon: Wipeout

The annual list of the countries with the highest mortality from anal and rectal abscess per capita just came out, so to speak, and all I have to say to my Lexembourgian, Croatian, Lithuanians, and Chilian friends is: Learn to Wipe, fellas. My gosh. Especially you Lexembougians, my gosh, you are dying at three times the rate of other countries with anal abscesses. Remember: front to back. If you need more than four wipes, try to shower. Maybe invest in some baby wipes.

Mortality from Abscess of anal and rectal regions (per capita)

1. Luxembourg 2.13415 deaths per 1 million
2. Croatia 0.88968 deaths per 1 million
3. Lithuania 0.834028 deaths per 1 million
4. Chile 0.813466 deaths per 1 million
5. Hungary 0.79944 deaths per 1 million
6. Estonia 0.750188 deaths per 1 million
7. Denmark 0.736377 deaths per 1 million
8. Moldova 0.673401 deaths per 1 million
9. Uruguay 0.58548 deaths per 1 million
10. Finland 0.574383 deaths per 1 million

Wax on, wax off, Mr. Miyagi.