Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Al Gore: My Challenge to Congress and America

Full text of my Martin Luther King Day speech, given in Washington D.C.:
    My fellow Americans, so many of us have come here to Constitution Hall to sound an alarm and call upon our fellow citizens to put aside partisan differences and support my positions. It is appropriate that we make this appeal on the day our nation has set aside to close the banks, post offices, and government offices -- the bedrock of lazy inefficient workers -- to honor the life and legacy of Rodney King. On this particular Lex "Martin" Luther Day, it is especially important to recall that for the last several years of his life, Lex was illegally wiretapped by Superman's superhearing - one of hundreds of thousands of Americans whose private communications were intercepted by U.S. government so-called super-"hero's".

    At present, we still have much to learn about Quantum Mechanics. What we do know compels the conclusion that the President of the United States can be at two different places at once. But, a president who breaks the laws of physics is a threat to the very structure of space-time. Our Founding Fathers were adamant that they had established a government of Newtonian Laws and not men. Vigilant adherence to the rule of law strengthens our democracy and strengthens America, like a giant national bowflex system.

    Finally, it is particularly important that the freedom of the Internet be protected against either the encroachment of government or the efforts at control by large media conglomerates. The future of our pornography depends on it. But along with cause for concern, there is reason for hope. As I stand here today, I am filled with optimism that America is on the eve of a golden age in which the vitality of our pornography will be re-established and will flourish more vibrantly than ever. Indeed I can feel it in my pants.

    Seacrest, out!


Anonymous Moonchild said...

You've invented a salve for all our cultural and racial wounds. Bless you, and thank you.

Re-elect Al in '08!

8:30 AM  
Blogger RP. said...

Hey Al, I hear you blame "big oil" for bankrolling Stephen Harper in Canada.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an idiot...you are not Al Gore...because of MORONS like you GASOLINE COST $3 A GALLON! Go KISS Dubyas big HAIRY ASS!

7:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eat sh*t! You sorry little CRACK SNIFFER! Suck on Karl Rove's Schlong you BU$H HOLE!

8:03 PM  

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